“Nothing can dim the light which shines from within.” - Maya Angelou

I am back to my blog again after a long sabbatical caused due to the long hours at my new workplace. This time, I am pondering on people skills and the definition of leadership and how some leaders are perceived to be in an esteemed category even though they don't fit the bill. Importance is provided to tenure and monopoly in the field that they belong. Well, aren't they a bit archaic then? :) I'd be the best in the job too if I have been there for long and know how to manipulate the red tape and get my work done! The easiest way is to make yourself look as the most important person in the organization is by bulling your juniors and proving to your seniors that you are the man behind every successful job completed. It’s immaterial if your juniors have been burning the midnight oil so that you can be successful.. We are a subdued lot who won't like confrontations and our aim is to keep the boss happy at the cost of our family time. Would we get back that lost time wherein we have build happy memories by spending time with our old parents? Never! We work 24 hrs and by the time we complete all of our work tasks, it's already time to buy that walking stick or check into some hospital for health issues. Of course our superiors are pro employees. We are encouraged to take our vacation but ahem.... there’s the small reminder that follows which is ‘Please ensure that you carry your laptop and phone’! The reassurances from your end are also a part of the approval cycles! I find the statement "please take care of your health" as a total anomaly. Remember, a well fed and healthy pig or goats are the ones who get butchered first. Reminds me of the pig's state when health checks are recommended to the employee!


So back to my original topic of bullying! I have seen it as being encouraged in organizations by some leaders who think it is fine for people to speak rudely and yell at their juniors as long as they get the job done! I have heard instances wherein this behavior is encouraged and applauded as it is in synch with the overall work culture of the organization, right from the CEO to those below. Is that what makes companies grow? Maybe I am a misfit in this whole corporate culture. I for one cannot tolerate such behavior. I'd expect respect if I am giving it to the opposite person. On account of my learning curve at this new job, I had stopped reacting to this kind of rudeness and bullying but then I got a feeling that it was going out of control. This situation reminded me of the experiment that I used to take as an example while I was teaching my second year Sociology students about ‘domestic violence’. Yeah...I used to teach! I was happier then! Oh well…coming back to this experiment, it was done with mice who were given electric shocks every day. In the beginning, they reacted but after some time, they stopped since their body got conditioned to accept this torture. It explains the situation wherein we stop reacting because as time goes by, we get used to it. We just console ourselves by citing that this too shall pass.

I think women fear retaliation. Bullies take advantage of the situation only once they are certain that their victims are docile and wouldn’t highlight their behavior. I feel that most women in India are socialized to speak softly and avoid conflicts. They take on mental stress at home and at work due to this learning that's imbibed in them.

If we taught our children that only those who deserved respect should be provided the same, the world would be a better place! So here is the modus operandi that I followed in my case. I wrote a long mail to the immediate manager listing the dates and the behavior displayed. I substantiated all the facts with logical reasons on why I thought it wasn't appropriate and then I included the line that I'd make this an HR case if it happens in the future! There!!! It took the manager by surprise since she wasn't expecting it. I was called by the lady who headed the entire team. Sometimes, the fact that women are women’s worst enemies is proven by the way in which they support wrong causes. I was questioned on my leadership skills and my reaction was labeled as another emotional issue which didn’t need any interventions. But I stuck to my stand. My dignity took precedence over my job. Today I am assured that people will think twice before they speak to me. I stood up for myself!

The bottom-line is that we need to stop behaving like the mice and start reacting in such situations. There’s no point in taking a neutral stand at the cost of your mental and physical health. Our silence should not be considered as weakness. We may cry and bleat during situations. That’s our way of dealing with stress but that should not give anyone a free license to trample over us. Chase away the mouse within us !!!!

“Inside every woman, is a crazy girl. And we all know what I'm talking about. That part of you that is entangled with insecurities, fears, and absolute insanity! The art of femininity lies in the molding, pounding, and defeating of that crazy girl on a daily basis! Look at any woman, and you're looking at a woman fighting a daily battle, wielding her weapons in war, every day! I have said it before and I'll say it again: it is never easy being a woman! And if we could only pound that crazy, insecure girl out of ourselves, it would make such the difference!”

― C. JoyBell C